them sparkles

Since my last post, things have improved. I may even get to go home soon. I've been here just over 6 weeks but hopefully, not much longer. I saw the doctor today and it looks like my blood counts are improving on their own. A couple more stable days and she said they would feel comfortable letting me leave. Aside from needing to rebuild my strength, I feel ready. I've been here so long, the seasons have actually changed. I showed up in summer, wearing a maxi dress and flip flops and I'll be leaving in the fall, with a taste of Calgary winter in between, and need to have warm clothes brought to me. Thankfully I've had a nice view to see it all happen. For almost my entire stay, I've had something called a Central Venous Catheter in my neck. I'm what they call a "hard poke" so trying to get an IV line started in my arm or hand is extremely difficult. This is the why I get so bruised. This CVC goes in through the big vein in the neck and ends up i...

I feel like I'm currently living in a body that isn't mine, living a life maybe meant for someone else. This truly can't be why I was put on this earth. Another hospital stay, this one the longest yet. I've been here just over 4 weeks and still counting. There is no anticipated discharge date. The doctors were initially concerned that I was dehydrated so they pumped me full of fluids but my body didn't know what to do with it and it was all displaced elsewhere - something they call third spacing. A normal body would filter the fluid through the kidneys and void it, but not mine. I've gained over 20kgs (yes, kgs) since I arrived just from fluid retention and I can't move my legs on my own. There is so much built up fluid in my legs and abdomen that I need someone to help me get in and out of bed just so I can use the washroom. I actually look fully pregnant and the pressure of it makes it difficult to breathe and eat. I've had to have a feed tu...