A New Year, A New Intention

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Friends, we made it. Made it into a new month, a new year, a new decade. I have, for less than ideal reasons, had a lot of time for reflection. The last couple of years have been challenging, 2019 especially. My health was poor. I had to say goodbye to a few loved ones, two of them within a day of each other. I was tested in many ways and at times, felt nearly broken.

After the difficulties with my health in 2018, I set the intention that 2019 was going to be my year. I was looking forward to healing and getting on with everyday life. Turns out, 2019 was worse. I suffered a flare up that put me in the hospital in March. I received the necessary treatment and began to improve and I believed my healing could start again but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I caught a bug in the middle of July that got progressively worse as the days went on. I was hospitalized for five days at the end of August before being released and told I was suffering from something viral and to wait it out. I continued to get worse. I went back to the hospital 10 days later and was admitted again, this time for 6.5 weeks. It wasn't viral at all. My body was at war with itself. I went through some of the most difficult things I've ever had to endure but, after treatment, was able to recover and begin healing once again. 

My rheumatologist and I have discussed a new strategy with my treatment to try and help me manage my symptoms going forward. I'm feeling positive about it and I'm hopeful that I will continue to improve. I don't make New Year's resolutions and haven't for years. I just try and do my best each day and I'm trying to do what I can to keep myself in a healthy place. So I'm going to set the intention that 2020 will be my year instead. 

While I'd rather be healthy enough to be a regular, contributing member of society, being at home has afforded me time to think about the people who got me through some of the toughest moments of my life. 

To my boyfriend - thank you for making sure I was always comfortable, for bringing me whatever I needed but mostly just for being there nearly every single day. You feel like home to me and having you around makes me feel safe no matter where I am. 

To my mom - thank you for taking leave from work to help care for me, for having hospital sleepovers with me so I had help in the night, for bringing me home cooked meals, and for continuing to help me once I was able to be back in my own house.

To my dad - thank you for calling me each day to check in, for continually reminding me of my strength, for making the trek from out of town to come see your baby girl and for keeping our family updated on my progress.

To my brother and sister-in-law - thank you both for also making the drive to come spend time with me, for making me laugh and helping me get my mind off my situation, if even for a moment (also, for removing the rings from my sausage toes and hands 😜). 

To my boyfriend's family (who I now consider my own) - thank you for coming to visit, for bringing me food and for caring about me like I've always been a part of your family. 

To my friends and extended family - thank you to those that came to visit when I was ready and to those that sent words of encouragement. Knowing that I have so many people that care about me pushes me to keep fighting. 

To the doctors, nurses and healthcare aids - thank you for taking such great care of me, for taking the time to get to know me, for talking to me like I was a friend rather than a patient. You likely won't see this but if you happen to, I want you to know how appreciative I am that people like you dedicate their lives to helping people like me. 

To you, reading this - you may not have been mentioned specifically but I want to thank you for following my story. You may choose to support me silently but I still appreciate that you've taken the time read about what I've been going through. You've given me a voice to articulate my thoughts and feelings. It's because of people like you, because of the love and support I have received, that makes me want to be an even better person. This isn't the life I had planned but having amazing people to go through it with me makes it a little easier to get over the hurdles. I truly love each and every one of you and I wish all of you nothing but a wealth of love and immense happiness for the coming year and decade. And of course, an abundance of sparkle.


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