Gaining Through Loss

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The last couple of weeks have been difficult and an emotional roller-coaster. On June 15th, I said goodbye to my best girl, my furbaby, Boo. On June 16th, my beautiful Nana Alice passed away. June 20th was my birthday but it was difficult to celebrate.

My Nana was an amazing woman. She was our matriarch, the creator of our huge and loving family, and such a gorgeous, generous soul. She lived a long and fulfilling 90 years of life. She had 9 children, who then gave her 34 grandchildren, who then gave her 42 great grandchildren and then 3 great-great grandchildren. We all adored her. She had the best laugh and the greatest smile.

One of the things I will cherish the most about my Nana is how she managed to send us all birthday and Christmas cards every single year. Always a great reminder that she was thinking about us. Always with a note inside to tell us how much she loved us. This is the first year I didn't receive a birthday card from her. Something I will sure miss but will always cherish.

I sadly didn't get the chance to see her before she passed. Last year, Don and I had planned to surprise her at her birthday party but due to complications with my health, we couldn't go. We were going to buy our plane tickets the day I got told I needed to go back to the hospital. Since then, it's been too risky for me to leave the country in case something were to happen. I'm sad I never got to see her one last time but I will hold onto all of the wonderful and happy memories of her. Thank you for everything, Nana. You are so loved and will be missed terribly.

My furbaby Boo, was also a sweet little soul. I was fortunate enough to have her with me for 22years. When my parents split up, my Dad and I got Boo from a school friend whose cat just had babies. Who would have thought she'd still be with me after so many years? She was with me through so much, good and bad. When I moved out, she came with me. When I had any relationships end, she brought me comfort.  She was always my constant in an ever-changing life. 

It's been difficult coming home and not having her greet me like she always did. It's been hard to sleep without her in her usual spot beside me. It's been a struggle not to have her snuggle down beside me any chance she could. It's amazing how something so small can take up so much room in your heart and then how large of a hole it can leave when it's no longer there. I miss you, baby girl. Rest well.

Through all of this loss, I have gained love. I have been reminded that even in the worst of times, there is a silver lining. In the darkest of days, there is light.

My family's grief has brought us closer, and has made us want to be better and do better, just like Nana. It didn't seem possible but we love each other more than ever before. In leaving this earth, she brought us closer together.

My friends have also brought me strength, reminding me that they're always there for me and I always have their shoulders to cry on. I have literally cried on a couple of them recently and I am extremely grateful they are there. For my birthday at work, they made sure I felt how much they loved me. After taking some bereavement days, I returned on my birthday to find my desk decorated. I was also gifted flowers, some sparkling wine, a gift certificate to a store I frequent, and a pedicure at a beautiful spa. The gesture brought more tears to my eyes but for the first time that week, they were happy tears. I appreciate all of you more than you know.


In a time when my heart felt like it was breaking, not once but twice, I have been lucky to have so many people help hold me together. Not only have I gained more love through loss, I have gained a stronger appreciation for the friendships I have made and the relationships that never let me down. 

Thank you for showing up and bringing some sparkle in a time when life seemed dim.

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