The Difference A Year Makes

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Three years ago today, I sat home recovering after one of my admissions to the hospital. Two years ago today, my body was waging an insane war on itself, one I almost didn't win had it not been for my amazing medical team. One year ago today, my dad had been in the hospital for almost a month, fighting his own war with his body. On this day, one year ago, I told my dad I loved him and unknowingly said goodbye for the last time. On this day, just one short year ago, my dad took his very last breath. 

We often celebrate yearly anniversaries of dates that are important to us; birthdays, wedding anniversaries, etc. We don't usually mark down in our calendar a date that brings us sadness. For me, today is that date. Today is the one year anniversary of when I lost one of the most important people in my life. Today is the anniversary of the day my world fell apart. 

A lot can change in a year. When life is good, it feels like time passes by in the blink of an eye. When we're struggling with something, a year feels like a lifetime. This year has been both long and short. On the plus side, my health is better than it's been in a long time. I'm healthy enough to be working again. I'm healthy enough to participate in physical activity. I'm healthy enough to not have to intermittently be in and out of hospitals. But on the downside, I miss my dad terribly and I'm still grieving. He's not here to celebrate my little milestones with me. He was usually one of my first phone calls whenever I had a victory, big or small. He was there to listen when I was frustrated about something. He was always there just to have a nice, lighthearted chit chat with. Yes, I can have those moments with other people but it's just not the same.

I recently saw a quote online that has really resonated with me: 


If I didn't love him, I wouldn't miss him. If I didn't love him, missing him wouldn't hurt. But my life is richer for having had him in it. Because I was fortunate enough to love him, I'm a better person and I am who I am today because he loved me too. 

I know a year is but a blip in a lifetime, but a lot can change. Cherish every moment with those that are important to you. You never know what the next year will bring. 


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