them sparkles

Three years ago today, I sat home recovering after one of my admissions to the hospital. Two years ago today, my body was waging an insane war on itself, one I almost didn't win had it not been for my amazing medical team. One year ago today, my dad had been in the hospital for almost a month, fighting his own war with his body. On this day, one year ago, I told my dad I loved him and unknowingly said goodbye for the last time. On this day, just one short year ago, my dad took his very last breath.  We often celebrate yearly anniversaries of dates that are important to us; birthdays, wedding anniversaries , etc. We don't usually mark down in our calendar a date that brings us sadness. For me, today is that date. Today is the one year anniversary of when I lost one of the most important people in my life. Today is the anniversary of the day my world fell apart.  A lot can change in a year. When life is good, it feels like time passes by in the blink of an eye. When we're str...

Looking to support local this holiday season? I've put together a list of friends with local businesses and/or side hustles you should check out while shopping for your loved (even well-liked) ones. Click on their business names to be taken to their page. Want to be included? Know someone else who should? Send me a message! CUSTOM/HANDCRAFTED Angie Dee's Custom Gifts Customized items like growth charts, Christmas ornaments, decals for cars and phones, t-shirts, glassware, etc.  Bearded Axe Leatherworks Custom leather items like wallets, purses and whatever other items you can imagine in leather. You can be sure your gift will be one of a kind. Silas & Ivy Gorgeous, small batch jewelry. Tons of items using natural stone. All of my favourite pieces are from here. Woon's Wood Custom wood items like bath trays, cheese trays and cutting boards. FOOD & BEVERAGE Roast Coffee and Tea Coffee beans roasted to order in Bragg Creek. She also makes the BEST french macarons I...

My heart has been broken before, a few times actually. But nothing compares to the magnitude of pain it feels now or how shattered it is. They say time heals all wounds but I don't feel like this wound will ever close.  It's been a week since Dad passed away. When it comes to the heartache, it feels like it just happened. In terms of time, it already feels like a lifetime. I can't imagine my life without him, yet here I am. He meant so much to me. He was one of my best friends, my biggest fan, my cheerleader, my coach, my counsellor, my sounding board, my teacher, my protector, my hero.  Growing up, I never had to question his love for me. He always called me his baby girl, no matter my age. He was always there when I needed him.  I already miss him so much. But there is so much about him to miss. He had an amazingly huge heart. You would never know by looking at him though, he loved playing the old, grumpy guy . But anyone who met him and got to know the real...

The world as we know it is a very different place today than it was just a few short weeks ago. Places all around the globe have to go on lockdown because of a rampant virus. I don't even know where to begin with this post. I just know I have a lot of feelings right now and writing has always been the easiest way for me to let it out. I can't seem to put in place the jumble of thoughts floating around my head into anything that might make sense but I'm going to try my best. To those of you not taking this pandemic seriously - please start. For those that are still going out and about in public because you think this is basically a flu - PLEASE STOP. You may feel fine but a number of people who have tested positive for the virus didn't show any symptoms. You could be a carrier and not even know that you're spreading it around. I'm pleading with you to think about how your actions may affect someone you come in contact with, their families and the people that ...

Friends, we made it. Made it into a new month, a new year, a new decade. I have, for less than ideal reasons, had a lot of time for reflection. The last couple of years have been challenging, 2019 especially. My health was poor. I had to say goodbye to a few loved ones, two of them within a day of each other. I was tested in many ways and at times, felt nearly broken. After the difficulties with my health in 2018, I set the intention that 2019 was going to be my year. I was looking forward to healing and getting on with everyday life. Turns out, 2019 was worse. I suffered a flare up that put me in the hospital in March. I received the necessary treatment and began to improve and I believed my healing could start again but unfortunately, that wasn't the case. I caught a bug in the middle of July that got progressively worse as the days went on. I was hospitalized for five days at the end of August before being released and told I was suffering from something viral and to wa...

Since my last post, things have improved. I may even get to go home soon. I've been here just over 6 weeks but hopefully, not much longer. I saw the doctor today and it looks like my blood counts are improving on their own. A couple more stable days and she said they would feel comfortable letting me leave. Aside from needing to rebuild my strength, I feel ready. I've been here so long, the seasons have actually changed. I showed up in summer, wearing a maxi dress and flip flops and I'll be leaving in the fall, with a taste of Calgary winter in between, and need to have warm clothes brought to me. Thankfully I've had a nice view to see it all happen. For almost my entire stay, I've had something called a Central Venous Catheter in my neck. I'm what they call a "hard poke" so trying to get an IV line started in my arm or hand is extremely difficult. This is the why I get so bruised. This CVC goes in through the big vein in the neck and ends up i...

I feel like I'm currently living in a body that isn't mine, living a life maybe meant for someone else. This truly can't be why I was put on this earth. Another hospital stay, this one the longest yet. I've been here just over 4 weeks and still counting. There is no anticipated discharge date. The doctors were initially concerned that I was dehydrated so they pumped me full of fluids but my body didn't know what to do with it and it was all displaced elsewhere - something they call third spacing. A normal body would filter the fluid through the kidneys and void it, but not mine. I've gained over 20kgs (yes, kgs) since I arrived just from fluid retention and I can't move my legs on my own. There is so much built up fluid in my legs and abdomen that I need someone to help me get in and out of bed just so I can use the washroom. I actually look fully pregnant and the pressure of it makes it difficult to breathe and eat. I've had to have a feed tu...

The last couple of weeks have been difficult and an emotional roller-coaster. On June 15th, I said goodbye to my best girl, my furbaby, Boo. On June 16th, my beautiful Nana Alice passed away. June 20th was my birthday but it was difficult to celebrate. My Nana was an amazing woman. She was our matriarch, the creator of our huge and loving family, and such a gorgeous, generous soul. She lived a long and fulfilling 90 years of life. She had 9 children, who then gave her 34 grandchildren, who then gave her 42 great grandchildren and then 3 great-great grandchildren. We all adored her. She had the best laugh and the greatest smile. One of the things I will cherish the most about my Nana is how she managed to send us all birthday and Christmas cards every single year. Always a great reminder that she was thinking about us. Always with a note inside to tell us how much she loved us. This is the first year I didn't receive a birthday card from her. Something I will sure miss bu...

I was just discharged from the hospital again. Less than a week thankfully, but no hospital stay would be preferred. A fever that lingered over three weeks and weakened my body turned out to be another bad Lupus flare. My blood counts were low again and my body was again fighting itself. The doctors were quick to try and remedy me and I'm happy to say I'm on the mend again. But that's not what this post is about. I want to talk about someone who came into my life completely by chance, without any expectation and has been around ever since. This human being is selfless, loves their family like I've never seen before, respects people in positions and occupations where so many people turn their noses down. Over 8 years ago, I was single, had come out of a relationship that left me feeling vulnerable with low self-esteem. I was having a night out with a friend who had invited a couple of other friends she knew from high school. We all met and headed out. I knew not...